Languages of Love
Everyone knows the expression "I love you", but do you really know how to put it into practice ?
Gary Chapman invites us to discover the 5 languages through which you can express your love to your partner, without having to say a single word...
Before exploring these five languages, it is essential to understand a fundamental truth about relationships :
There is no such thing as a perfect couple, living in constant happiness without ever experiencing conflict. Disney fairy tales and romance novels are just idealised representations of the reality of a couple.
In a loving relationship, love is built day by day, and nothing can ever be taken for granted.
This means showing your love to your partner at all times, every moment of the day.
If you take your relationship for granted and no longer need to prove it...
... you're wrong!
If you think finding "THE" right person means they'll :
- fill all your gaps,
- dispel all your doubts,
- stay with you because you deserve it,
- telling you every day how great you are,
- appreciate all your "faults",
- to be your guide for life...
Well, once again...
... you're wrong!
I understand that it's not easy to accept. Your ideas about love may be cracking, but that's the reality.
If you're really looking to build a solid, fulfilling long-term relationship, then get ready to give it your all !
- If you systematically expect something in return,
you're tying yourself to an addiction, which isn't love.
you're tying yourself to an addiction, which isn't love.
- If you give in order to obtain a favour or something other than the simple act of giving,
you fall into manipulation, which is not love.
you fall into manipulation, which is not love.
- If you give out of pure addiction, seeking total fusion,
it's not about love.
it's not about love.
- If you think you can live in a state of love without any effort,
you're in utopia, and that's not love.
you're in utopia, and that's not love.
But what is the true essence of love ?
Unconditional love is a powerful force. It doesn't require anything in return, just a sincere desire for the loved one to be free to make their own choices and to flourish, regardless of distance, cohabitation or even separation !
Love at first sight, like a meteorological phenomenon, is ephemeral.
To ensure the perpetuation of the human species, Mother Nature has instilled in us the innate need to procreate, to give birth to babies. A physical attraction is therefore necessary for two individuals to mate and sire their offspring.
When a couple feels a strong attraction for each other from the outset (the famous "love at first sight"), it is likely to be a response to a primal instinct to populate the Earth. However, this initial passion can quickly fade.
Myth busted ? This can help you manage your relationship better and increase the chances of it lasting.
When a couple feels a strong attraction for each other from the outset (the famous "love at first sight"), it is likely to be a response to a primal instinct to populate the Earth. However, this initial passion can quickly fade.
Myth busted ? This can help you manage your relationship better and increase the chances of it lasting.
The 5 languages of love
In his book "The languages of love"Gary Chapman discusses the 5 languages that demonstrate love :
1 – Valuing words They're always comforting, and if they're well chosen and expressed at the right time, they have a profound impact on the feeling of being loved, boosting self-confidence and bringing genuine happiness.
2 – Moments of quality These moments of intense sharing, with no outside distractions, when a deep connection is created between you, when time seems suspended and words superfluous, prove that you are investing your precious time in the relationship and that, at that moment, your partner is the most important thing.
3 – The gifts These are material gifts, given outside the usual occasions such as birthdays or Christmas. Receiving a gift, however modest and unexpected, touches the heart. The intention behind the gesture takes precedence over the object itself, demonstrating the consideration and importance you attach to your partner.
4 – Services rendered These acts of kindness are all the more appreciated when they are unexpected, surprising your partner. By offering them your help when they least expect it, you're easing their daily chores, which is deeply meaningful.
5 – Physical contact Physical contact: beyond sexual intimacy, physical contact is one of the most intense moments in a couple's relationship. From a simple gesture of tenderness such as a massage or a kiss, to taking her/him in your arms and snuggling up to her/him, every touch is a sign of sincere and powerful love.
Some men may find it difficult to express these languages, mistakenly thinking that sensitivity is exclusively feminine, when it is quite simply human.
It's up to you !
So you can choose between these five languages to express your feelings towards your loved one, with probably a preferred language depending on your sensitivity.
If your languages are similar, understanding will be easy. But if they are different, it is crucial to decode what the other is trying to communicate. If there is any doubt, it is essential to discuss it in order to understand the other person's language.
This communication is a two-way street : if the other person wishes to express themselves differently, it is also important to discuss this openly.
This communication is a two-way street : if the other person wishes to express themselves differently, it is also important to discuss this openly.
You can also create your own language, a mixture of the five mentioned or something new that suits you, such as poetry, music, art, etc...
Together, explore the countless ways you can express your love, and let your creativity guide your unique language, the one that unites you in the depths of your hearts.
Merci à Gary Chapman pour ce livre qui va aider de nombreuses personnes à mieux comprendre ce qu’est l’amour.
Merci à Alysson Detilleux pour les illustrations @aly_dessin